Beading with Parkinson's

I have Parkinson's Disease. It's not as bad as it could be, but it's bad enough. My hands tremble, I have involuntary body twitches and my mouth moves constantly. It is a bad medical condition for a beadworker. For a period of about three years, I was unable to bead at all. I was also unable to feed myself with dignity or work zippers or buttons or many other things, but that is a different story.

My Parkinson's is controlled by Medical Marijuana and a controversial pill called Ingrezza. The Ingrezza knocks the edge off, and the marijuana lets me bead and use a fork. BUT I have no background as a pot smoker as much as this might surprise you.

Medical Marijuana is not very scientific for a neophyte pot smoker. If I don't smoke enough, my hands shake too much to work, and I have to go smoke more before I can accomplish anything. If I smoke too much, I *literally* forget how to bead.

But if I hit that delicate balance of enough, but not too much marijuana, then I can bead for about four hours. It's a little miracle. When I couldn't bead, I was lost in myself. My hands shook and trembled, but they had nothing to do but smoke. So that's all I did...smoke, smoke, smoke.

It's been eleven months since I had a cigarette, and I'm far better off, and my hands have a purpose again. The beads move smoothly through my hands. And I am learning how to not smoke too much pot by accident, so I don't spend too much time trying to remember how to bead!

Many schizophrenics end up with Parkinson's as a lasting after-effect of years of psychiatric medication. It is known, and accepted. Collateral damage for not living in psychosis. But it is Hell to live with.

Medical marijuana is a controversial topic, but it definitely helps me. It has given me back my recreational crafting, and, for this, I say, "Maferefun, Osain!" thanking the powerful Orisha of plants and their medicine.

On Being Illiterate

It is hard to climb up in front of everybody and admit to being illiterate, but here I am.I admit that I am a beading illiterate. I can not read or write beading patterns.

All of my designs are done in my head. I visualize the finished piece, then I 'sketch' by making small pieces of beadwork. Testing colors, weights, how the piece lays. Some of my best ideas end up in the trash can because they will not balance or lay 'right.'

Some pieces are made out of whole cloth, like the "Talisman" necklace pictured here. It was done in a breathless rush, almost without stopping. (Almost without stopping over the course of several days!)

Other pieces are built of components that are assembled at the end of production. They are planned, meticulous, and nerve-wracking, because I never know if the piece will work until I assemble the finished jewelry. "Strength" pictured below is such a piece.

I have been beading since I was a kid. I began with just a basic mastery of stitches, and basic loom beading. (No. I do not loom bead now. No. I love you, but I will not loom bead for you either. I don't even OWN a bead loom!) I CAN read a loom pattern, but that is just a graph.

I never bothered to learn to read or write patterns because they are all right-handed, and I am not. The very few left-handed patterns that are out there are over-done or cliche.( I just checked Etsy to see if there were more or better offerings, but there are not.) And now I am used to designing in my head.

So my beadwork will never have pictures of little sugar skulls or smiling pears. There are beaders out there who excel at sugar skulls and smiling pears, and they are not me. I'm okay with that. I like my designs; they are based in solid technique, and I find them elegant. But, I'll never be able to provide you with a sketch or a computer graph of a potential project. I can 'sketch' it in beads and words, but not on paper. I'm illiterate, remember?

Deferring the Dream

I live under a vow of poverty, so I can not just open up my Etsy shop whenever I please. My plan was to open up shop on February First, but I have decided to wait until March First. I am bitterly disappointed. All I can tell you is that the inventory looks really good. Unfortunately, YOU can't tell it looks really good.

You can't tell that the inventory looks good because the photos look very bad. My Parkinson's Disease means my hands shake and my pictures are blurry. I can not compete in a market like Etsy with blurry photographs.

So. I took my stipend, the sum of money we are given by Four Quarters for our monthly expenses, and ordered a mini tripod and a light box. (Okay, and I spent the rest on beads, you know I did!) I hope this gear will improve the pictures significantly.

I am also gathering small objects to display the jewelry with or on. I am learning to think of the beadwork in new ways. I am used to thinking of it solely in terms of how it will rest and balance on a body in motion. Now I must view it as the subject of a still life, as art for art's own self. That's good, it is art.

I have to remember that it is not a race. I have to remember that it is about putting my best work in front of people, and people being able to see that the work is good and beautiful. I'm not sure a good photograph will ever capture the Spiritual nature of the pieces, but I am dead certain that a poor photograph never will.

Photography is its own art form, a subtle interplay of light and shadow, art and technology. I never hope to master it. But it is the common tongue of internet sales, and I need to become more fluent.

So, sadly, this is not the glorious launch post I had planned. There are no links to my shiny new Etsy shops with buttons for you to buy, buy, buy! There are only more YouTube videos and Wiki-how pages, and the plodding pace of progress, not perfection.

Next month, my pretties.